Free to forgive

The theme of this blog, if it has one, is that once you have chosen to forsake every hope except Jesus for life, you find that you have not lost all, but gained everything. 

But have you noticed that there continue to be times when the path narrows and another gate stands before you?  I see these “gates” as places in life where we make the decision to go God’s way or go our own way.  The issue can take many forms, but one is choosing to forgive.

before the game begins

I had a chance to make that choice on the trip my husband and I took this spring.  We were visiting friends in Los Angeles and had tickets to a baseball game because my husband, Dan, had always wanted to see the Dodger’s stadium.  That night turned out to be our 27^th anniversary, but it felt like our whole two week trip was an anniversary gift!

We had great seats from Stub Hub and it was a beautiful night.  We were enjoying everything – except for one little problem.  There was a young woman sitting on the other side of Dan.  She was with friends, including a guy, but her attention seemed to be focused on my husband the most of all.  They had quite a conversation going, cracking jokes, and he seemed to be enjoying it too much for my taste!  I thought this girl was obnoxious, horning in on our “double date” but apparently Dan did not.

the path narrows

Maybe you know what it’s like to be in public hiding your true feelings.  There was nothing I could do that wouldn’t be awkward, so I ignored them.  I don’t remember the words or how it happened, but at some point she left her seat and I made a comment.  Dan looked shocked and asked if I was mad - as if that would be unbelievable.  When I told him that yes, I was, in fact, upset; I felt an unexpectedly powerful surge of anger wash over me!  It was not a good time or place to have a discussion, so the issue kind of hung there throughout the rest of the game and I continued to feel unwanted tension on the way home.

I felt justified in not liking that my husband was responding to this flirty girl on our anniversary, but I also knew him and that he meant absolutely nothing by it. If I had to say just what it was I didn’t like, it was that he wouldn’t be sensitive to my side of it.  That he wouldn’t see how this could take away from the night being a little extra special or romantic for us even though it was a baseball game. 

blooming among the rocks

Sometime later, trying to go to sleep in our hosts’ bedroom, the Holy Spirit came to my aid by showing me that I could make a choice. I could nurse my wound and try to get an apology or some recognition that my feelings were legitimate, or I could choose to forgive Dan for his behavior and move on.  I could let more precious hours of our wonderful trip together be stolen or I could just let it go.  I thank the Lord for the ability to see that and for the ability to forgive because the rest of me did not want to.

Honestly, when I look at this now, I can still feel some sense of entitlement.  But I also see that my husband’s heart was pure.  He loves me!  He shows me love every day and we have a history together of faithfulness.  I made the choice to forgive and renounce my expectations.  I asked God to give me the grace to appreciate what I have, to put this aside, and to enjoy all the good things that were happening.  He did it and the enemy gained nothing!

I know there are much more grievous sins that we are commanded to forgive.  I know that to forgive can be like a death.  It is a death of sorts.  We die to our revenge, or to our sense of justice.  We die to our pride, and to our right to whatever has been taken by another.  Sometimes the damage is so bad that being able to forgive involves a process that God must take us through.    

nurtured

Now dying on top of being wronged doesn’t sound very attractive does it?  But God says in Colossians 3:3 “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”  We choose to be crucified just a bit when we forgive but we are raised with Christ as well in his resurrection.  In the life which is hidden with Christ in God we get to move on free of the toxicity of anger, resentment, or bitterness.  The part that stays in the grave will bring us down if we do not get rid of it!  In resurrection life we get to flourish in our future while God takes care of the past His way.  Jesus is Lord, after all, and He holds the ultimate outcome of every situation in His nail scared hands.

The capacity to forgive is a privilege.  And it is freeing.  God’s narrow gates always lead to life!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28