Free to forgive

The theme of this blog, if it has one, is that once you have chosen to forsake every hope except Jesus for life, you find that you have not lost all, but gained everything. 

But have you noticed that there continue to be times when the path narrows and another gate stands before you?  I see these “gates” as places in life where we make the decision to go God’s way or go our own way.  The issue can take many forms, but one is choosing to forgive.

before the game begins

I had a chance to make that choice on the trip my husband and I took this spring.  We were visiting friends in Los Angeles and had tickets to a baseball game because my husband, Dan, had always wanted to see the Dodger’s stadium.  That night turned out to be our 27^th anniversary, but it felt like our whole two week trip was an anniversary gift!

We had great seats from Stub Hub and it was a beautiful night.  We were enjoying everything – except for one little problem.  There was a young woman sitting on the other side of Dan.  She was with friends, including a guy, but her attention seemed to be focused on my husband the most of all.  They had quite a conversation going, cracking jokes, and he seemed to be enjoying it too much for my taste!  I thought this girl was obnoxious, horning in on our “double date” but apparently Dan did not.

the path narrows

Maybe you know what it’s like to be in public hiding your true feelings.  There was nothing I could do that wouldn’t be awkward, so I ignored them.  I don’t remember the words or how it happened, but at some point she left her seat and I made a comment.  Dan looked shocked and asked if I was mad - as if that would be unbelievable.  When I told him that yes, I was, in fact, upset; I felt an unexpectedly powerful surge of anger wash over me!  It was not a good time or place to have a discussion, so the issue kind of hung there throughout the rest of the game and I continued to feel unwanted tension on the way home.

I felt justified in not liking that my husband was responding to this flirty girl on our anniversary, but I also knew him and that he meant absolutely nothing by it. If I had to say just what it was I didn’t like, it was that he wouldn’t be sensitive to my side of it.  That he wouldn’t see how this could take away from the night being a little extra special or romantic for us even though it was a baseball game. 

blooming among the rocks

Sometime later, trying to go to sleep in our hosts’ bedroom, the Holy Spirit came to my aid by showing me that I could make a choice. I could nurse my wound and try to get an apology or some recognition that my feelings were legitimate, or I could choose to forgive Dan for his behavior and move on.  I could let more precious hours of our wonderful trip together be stolen or I could just let it go.  I thank the Lord for the ability to see that and for the ability to forgive because the rest of me did not want to.

Honestly, when I look at this now, I can still feel some sense of entitlement.  But I also see that my husband’s heart was pure.  He loves me!  He shows me love every day and we have a history together of faithfulness.  I made the choice to forgive and renounce my expectations.  I asked God to give me the grace to appreciate what I have, to put this aside, and to enjoy all the good things that were happening.  He did it and the enemy gained nothing!

I know there are much more grievous sins that we are commanded to forgive.  I know that to forgive can be like a death.  It is a death of sorts.  We die to our revenge, or to our sense of justice.  We die to our pride, and to our right to whatever has been taken by another.  Sometimes the damage is so bad that being able to forgive involves a process that God must take us through.    

nurtured

Now dying on top of being wronged doesn’t sound very attractive does it?  But God says in Colossians 3:3 “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.”  We choose to be crucified just a bit when we forgive but we are raised with Christ as well in his resurrection.  In the life which is hidden with Christ in God we get to move on free of the toxicity of anger, resentment, or bitterness.  The part that stays in the grave will bring us down if we do not get rid of it!  In resurrection life we get to flourish in our future while God takes care of the past His way.  Jesus is Lord, after all, and He holds the ultimate outcome of every situation in His nail scared hands.

The capacity to forgive is a privilege.  And it is freeing.  God’s narrow gates always lead to life!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

Love Never Fails

“I once was blind, but now I see.”  Have you ever had that experience?  I had one recently and I’d like to share it. 

I am involved with a prayer/healing ministry at my church and I have the privilege of participating on teams which met with people who desire an in-depth prayer experience.  We come together expecting God to be there because we know that in ourselves alone, we have nothing but an hour of kind sympathy and good intentions to offer.  We meet trusting God for the promises of His Word, expecting to see lives changed by the finished work of Jesus on the cross. 

This particular time the one who had called was being overwhelmed by some pain that she could no longer hide.  Trying to cover up or just “move on” beyond things that had happened in the past was no longer possible.  They were hidden away for a reason, but she couldn’t keep them there anymore.

relentless, powerful waves illustrate God's dependability

When this started happening to me personally I found that things in my life were causing reactions all out of proportion to the situation.  It felt so right to feel the way I did, but I had friends who could see more objectively.  It is so hard when this happens, but it can be such a blessing if you trust that God is in it and that He allows pain to surface for a purpose.  He wants us to be free and whole so hurt places must be opened up and cleaned out.  Lies of the enemy, fear, and shame are removed just like an infection in a wound.  So in our ministry we believe that God is ready, willing and able to bring healing and restoration when someone comes seeking help.  I was able to say confidently to my sister, “It’s time.”

We prayed surrendering our own agenda, our judgements, our conclusions, our ideas.  We asked for the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus to take charge of the hour.  He was so faithful to bring our hurting friend through steps of healing.  All of us were blessed by His presence and love.

"...in him there is no darkness at all" 1John 1:5b

Later in the evening at home, I began to feel unsettled.  When I went to bed I was restless.  Thoughts about my weight and eating began picking away at me.  This is an ongoing issue.  I am not terribly overweight, but my eating and my weight go up and down and threaten to get out of hand.  When that happens I become afraid that I am out of control and that my size will balloon up and up.  I feel shame about my failures.  It doesn't make sense to be so afraid of something like this, but it can hang over me almost like death.

As I prayed about it, I realized that I felt helpless about ever making a permanent change in this pattern.  What felt true was that I will always be a victim because I am unable to make another choice.  This is where the light went on.  I suddenly thought "I’m feeling as if I do not have the power to make decisions for myself.  I don’t mean that it felt like my will was to do the wrong thing, I felt I had none at all.

That lie was obvious to me.  God created us in His image and that includes a will.  It makes us human and it is honored by God Himself.  Even He does not violate our free will so it must be very important.

Finding that we are agreeing with unbiblical thoughts is a great step.  I saw hope immediately.  I did not have to lie down in acceptance of my predicament.  I immediately started telling myself the truth.  I have a will and I am not trapped in any way.  My will is to believe and trust God!  I may not be experiencing consistent victory yet, but it has been won by Jesus Christ on my behalf.  Every child of God is in position to receive the deliverance of God.  By the stripes of Jesus we are healed - spiritually, emotionally and physically.  No problem is too great for Him and no person is excluded from His compassionate mercy and grace.

The reason this night was so special was its connection to being in the presence of God’s love so powerfully earlier that day. It was palpable.  My spirit had been strengthened and my faith was increased by that.  My sense of who I am as God’s beloved daughter could not co-exist with the message of being a victim, bound and empty of her birthright - a  healthy and functioning will.

Weeks later, I can say that my fear is still gone.  I'm not in the best place eating-wise right now, but I do not feel doomed, desperate or helpless.  I have real hope (assurance) that I will overcome.  The fruit of the spirit includes self-control, and God's love will continue to replace whatever need I try to fill with eating.  Exercise is looking a lot more attractive, too!

Whatever our struggles, God’s love is the answer.  That’s a blanket statement, but I do believe it.  I’ve seen how healing begins to flow when a person's heart is touched by God's pure and unqualified love for them personally.  Being in the presence of His love changes how we see.  It pours light into blind spots where lies can operate without being discovered.  Circumstances may or may not change right away, but we are not the same in them.  We begin walking in their midst with different responses because we are not the same on the inside.  The Gospel is that God's grace is here to make that change.

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." (Luke 19:10)  
Save: "sozo" - to deliver, protect, heal, make whole

More Love

Abide:  "meno" - to stay in a given place, state, relation, or expectancy

 Wouldn't it be wonderful to go about living in a state of companionship with Jesus?  It would be like walking moment by moment under the influence of the Holy Spirit who is inside. But there are things that compete with that life, aren't there?

God once gave me a vision in my mind of sitting around a campfire with Jesus and other disciples.  But as I contemplated and enjoyed the scene, I saw myself get up and sneak away from the group.  I prayed about that picture because it shocked and bothered me!  It was such a comfort to think that I had a place with Jesus around that fire.  Why would I do that? Obvious to me now, is that sneaking away was the result of idols in my heart calling me away from Jesus’ side where I really wanted - and needed - to be.

 

A friend at church once talked about needing to get “more love inside” before she could face a problem that she was sharing with us.  The statement stuck with me even though I wasn’t sure what she was talking about at the time!  But that is what I am saying now.   Even though I loved belonging in that group around the fire with Jesus, something was drawing me away.  I didn't realize it, but it was going to be His love that would enable me to release the things that caused me to leave my abiding place with the Lord.

God's lavish love created beauty !

Our Father promises to change our hearts not just modify our behavior.  He wants a relationship so he gives us a new heart (Ezekiel 36:26) and changes our behavior through love.  He doesn't use shame to motivate us or expect us to try harder to change.  It is Jesus’ love that builds the trust that allows us to submit to whatever needs to be done to help us abide more consistently.  Love leads us to surrender our idols and our whole selves more and more.

He did that for me and He’s still doing it!  In His good, gentle, gracious, wisdom He loves me and corrects me in ways that only make me want to surrender more.  What's at stake is more than campfire camaraderie and more than snuggling in a cozy little cottage.  It’s freedom that affects everything because I’m not alone or on my own.  Instead of trying to keep all my balls in the air, or ducks in a row, or wits about me, I can rest in the shadow of the Almighty, trusting him to cover me with his feathers and command his angels concerning me, rescue me, protect me, and satisfy me – showing me His salvation. (from Psalm 91:1, 4, 11, 14, 16)

morning sun on the Navajo desert

The picture of sneaking away helped me to see what God saw happening.  His love enabled me to let go of what I was depending on to receive what He wanted to give me.  It isn’t my work that changes me, but His love that overcomes the fears I am trying to deal with in my own way.  He is so good, so gentle, so gracious.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  Ephesians 3:18b-19

Abiding in Love

If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever  you wish and it will be given you. John 15:7

I love the thought of abiding in Jesus!  It conjures up a picture of a safe home, all warm and snugly.  It’s safe, peaceful and happy.  The walls of this strong abiding place are made of God’s words.  They guard me and they fill me with contentment and joy because they are so good.

Psalm 23 is a wonderful picture of abiding for me.  The Lord is my shepherd...I shall not be left lacking in any way... He makes me lie down in green pastures...He leads me beside quiet waters...He restores my soul... I feel protected, provided for, cared about....

John 15:9  “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Now abide in my love.” 

2 Peter 1:3  "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us...  "Everything I need...through knowing him...

2 Corinthians 1:20  "For no matter how many promises God has made they are "Yes" in Christ."    God promised and He says "yes" to me. 

1 Corinthians 1:9  "God who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord is faithful."  God sought me out and called me and is faithful to me!

Hebrews 7:24 & 25"  ...because Jesus lives forever.... he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them."  Jesus does the saving, and he prays for me...

Bald Head Island, NC

Notice how it is God who is doing something good for us in these verses.  Abiding is not about us doing something right, it's about what God has done for us and has promised to us.  Abiding is peaceful and restful, not fretful or anxious or harried or frustrated.  It's the opposite of "doing" or "trying".  It's knowing who I am to God and who God is to me.

God initiates this intimate relationship, but abiding is a two-way street.  Because Jesus has made his home with me I can make my home with him. 

Jesus relates abiding with asking and receiving in the opening verse above (John 15:7).  A heart in this protected, secure position is not likely to feel compelled to inform God of troubles that He is unaware of.  It doesn't make sense to plead or beg for my will to be done.  Even if I'm in great distress, deep down I know that the realities of my situation will eventually take a back seat to the reality of God on his throne.  The most real eternal part of my being, my spirit, is in his presence and the rest of me, though it may not be so aware at first, will get on board with that reality the more I abide in His love.

So how do we think about reality?  We live in two realities -  the world and the Kingdom of God. We are in the world but not of the world.  Our bodies are physical like the world around us.  They experience its pains and pleasures.  Our souls interpret all that comes in from the world and from our body itself.  Our souls think thoughts, feel feelings and make choices about them.  Our souls can focus on obvious temporal realities and on invisible spiritual realities.  Jesus is telling us that as we remain in and dwell on the spiritual reality, we will ask for things that God can freely give us.  We will ask according to His will and see His will done.  How exciting that is!
 

on the way to Zion National Park, Utah

Abiding in Jesus and his words results in praise and thanks as I am reminded that God is good and He does good things.  He is sovereign over everything.  He is not surprised by events even though I am. There are no coincidences or accidents that God is not aware of and able to deal with.  He pursues me in love, calling to me and wooing me in my deserts.  I can worship this God who is that powerful and loves me that much!   My heart comes into harmony with God's heart and cooperation with the agenda of His Kingdom.  I ask and He answers, and I see things working together for good because I do love the Lord and I am called according to his purposes.  What a wonderful cycle!

We may not always understand, but we know Him and we know He knows us.  Abiding is an expression of the reality that nothing can separate us from His love.