The power of waiting

We want to see, but faith is “the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1b ESV).  Or perhaps I should say “I want to see” because that’s what my circumstances have been revealing to me about myself.

I consider myself to be a woman of faith after so many years of learning to let go of my problems to God.  I used to be tense and driven and desperate at heart.  I was fearful and full of unacknowledged grief.  I lived alone even when surrounded by others.  That I should have turned to God and believed that He was real and could be trusted took faith.  The practice of choosing to believe and let go of my controlling actions, and even thoughts, was the practice of faith in practical ways.  God arranged for the rubber to meet the road over and over and over.  And yet He’s not finished.  There is a different kind of faith-action that He’s teaching me about.  It’s really the faith of inaction, or waiting on the unseen.

I wanted to write about waiting on God but He helped me out by putting it together with our hope in the unseen when my daily reading began today at Hebrews 11.  Those first words arrested my attention:  “Now faith is the assurance (substance in NIV) of things hoped for, the conviction (evidence) of things not seen.” 

This really isn’t new, is it?  We often express our faith by waiting for something we hope for.  Maybe we don’t hope with much assurance or conviction, but we hope, we ask God, and we wait.  Maybe it’s for prodigal children to turn back toward home, or for remission of an illness, or strength to endure the decline of a parent.

Sometimes the “hope” can be more like wishful thinking.  And the “waiting” can be an escape from realities that must be faced before real change can occur.  But God says true hope has substance and reality as if what is unseen is already there.  And when we have that what we hope in becomes invincible.

If we have no evidence in the circumstances, no substance of what we long for in our world, no conviction in our heart of truth that defies the obvious external reality, then true Biblical faith gives us evidence and conviction.  It allows us to see what remains unseen.

This is the faith I desire to grow in right now for an important relationship.  There seems to be no more action to take on my part.  There are no right words to say that will open up understanding.  There is just God’s very precious answer to my cries, saying “Let me handle it”.  When everything in me wants to do something or say something or even think something that will fix it or relieve it, His word to me is clear.  He will handle it, and I am to let Him.

And so that’s where waiting comes in.  Waiting on the Lord is not helplessness, it is powerful.  It is the faith that may witness the moving of mountains.  It is being held in the strong heart of God while He does things that no human being can accomplish. 

Zion National Park

Hebrews 11:3 reminded me that “by faith we come to understand that the universe was created by the word of God” and that everything we see, everything, did not come from anything visible.  If God created the mountain from nothing we can see, why wouldn’t He be able to move it at His will?

But this is where we can falter, because we can’t always know or understand His will or purpose.  We can know He is good and that He promises the work all things together for good (Romans 8:28), but we don’t know what it will look like.

Hebrews 11:13 reminds me that Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob “all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar”.  All the heroes of the faith commended in the verses that follow were looking ahead to the promise of Christ.  He was unseen to them in the future and he is unseen to us in the past.  But he always existed and is always real.

I sense God calling me to join hands with those who “lived in tents” while they looked forward to "a city with foundations whose designer and builder is God” (Hebrews 11:9-10); those who “acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on earth” and “desire a better country, that is a heavenly one.” (verses 13 & 16).

This is not to say that the relationship I long for will not come to be in my lifetime, but it is not a guarantee that it will happen as I expect, and it is not the basis for the peace I seek in waiting on God to “handle it”.

I want my peace to be filled with the faith to love rather than self-protection, self-justification or anger.  God offers to hold my heart and hold my hand as I wait with Him and for Him.  This is hard and yet a glorious opportunity.  Is what God is doing more valuable than what I want to see and have now?  I believe, but help my unbelief.  I am waiting.

The danger of trying to be good

I’ve been blogging about obedience and how it comes from a heart of love and trust.  It comes from trust that God will not ask us to obey in anything that is truly and ultimately harmful to us.  It may be hard.  It may require sacrifice.  But God is always good and His sovereignty is working towards good.  Even in the Cross – especially in the Cross – God was bringing great good out of very evil events.  I have been “arguing” for the power of God’s love to bring us into surrender of our own way, and into obedience which leads to the most abundant life we could ever have.

But now let's look at the flip side.  What if we are pursuing goodness wholeheartedly and thinking that we have made progress?  What if our pursuit leads to impatience with the failures of others to cooperate with or live up to our view of what is right?  It's good to see that in our obedience we are becoming better and better, right?  Isn't God pleased with this?

Let me ask another question.  Why did Jesus reserve his harshest words for the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law?  Was it not because they considered themselves much better than the ‘common sinners’ and because they measured their righteousness by their own standards?  They had the law of God, but they missed His heart by a mile in their “obedience”.

It may be true that others need to change, and sometimes we begin to recognize their needs as our own life changes and our vision becomes clearer.  We may encounter things that bother us more than they did before we got "cleaned up".  But if our hearts are being changed, those things begin to arouse compassion, not condemnation. 

Jesus used the analogy of the vine and the branches to teach his disciples how true goodness comes about.  He said “Remain in me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself;” (John 17:4a) and “apart from me you can do nothing” (vs.5b).  The fruit of the Spirit, by whom we are connected with Jesus, is “love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, etc.   These qualities come from the Holy Spirit in us and the results (fruit) of living them cannot be self-generated.

Looks good, but it's not real

When a believer is trying to produce good behavior and compliance in himself, or motivate others to do so, he is in danger if he becomes disconnected from the ‘Vine” in the process.  If self-effort seems to be working, the “fruit” is self-righteousness and pride which can easily become haughty, judgmental and condemning of others who don’t try as hard or as “successfully” as he has.  Right away we can see that the “fruit” is rotten.

Behind self-effort can be misunderstanding of our condition as human beings.  We are fallen creatures living in a fallen world and it is only Jesus in us that makes a difference.  I used to try to be perfect because I actually thought I could be good enough if I tried hard enough.  My inevitable failures only cemented my sense of unworthiness and my need to hide my true (and unacceptable) self.  On the other hand, if I was able to make something work, I wanted others to do the same so it would be easier for all of us.  Whichever end of the stick we are holding there's an expectation that life should work if we all just try.  But that is forgetting that without the grace of God working in our hearts we are self-centered  and lost.  The world is never going to cooperate with our agenda for goodness (or with God’s) apart from the saving grace of Jesus’ work on the cross and surrender to the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. This applies in our marriages, our families, our friendships, our work and our church.

(source unknown) 

So what are we to do about all the problems we see?  Or what am I to do if someone says that I am the problem?  There is an answer that applies to both situations.  It is to confess and repent of everything that hinders my connection to the Vine.  I don’t have to fix these things, just tell the Lord that I know they are keeping me from abiding in him and being filled with the fruit of the Spirit. I can thank him by faith for transforming me from within and pray that the other person will be blessed to receive God’s love as well.  People may conform for a time because of fear or shame, but they are transformed by mercy. A transformed heart is able to show mercy to the next person and so the love of God spreads.

Is there a danger in trying to be good?  I think the answer is in "trying".  Desiring to be good is from God but becoming good happens through humble trusting surrender to His love. The "work" is in laying down whatever keeps us locked up in pride or fear or control. Once we lay that down God does what only He can accomplish - give us a new life!

at the Grand Canyon!

When I surrendered the need for change in myself to Jesus, counting on Him to work, I felt gratitude rather than self-satisfaction for the results.   Rather than making demands of others, I saw Jesus was the source of hope for all of us.  It's all about Jesus - and that's why he deserves the glory!


Note: For an excellent teaching on grace and law in relationships click here:  Prodigal Grace Part 2 (10/28/12)

An Example

Last time I blogged about how an unclear view of God hinders our trust and how we can be set free to know Him and obey Him when hurt places in our hearts are healed.  Today, I want to share a recent example of how this happened to me.

My dear husband, Dan, who was introduced in a past blog, lost his job about 3 years ago.  He is a CPA and left a national firm to work for one of his client’s about 15 years ago so that he could spend more time at home as our daughter was growing up.  Then his employer lost the business and Dan had to be let go. 

After much prayer we decided that he would not go back to an accounting firm, but would pursue the desire to have his own CPA practice.  We trusted that God would bring clients and He has done that.  As anyone who is self-employed knows, it takes many hours of investment to establish the business, and for us it is taking a long time to replace what we lost and restore the income we once had.  That is the background for what happened.

One morning this week my day began with awareness of the many repairs that are needed in our almost 50 year old home.  These have been on hold for longer than I care to admit.  They are used by the enemy regularly to tempt me to worry – and he often succeeds.

is danger lurking below the surface?

I had a friend who was afraid of being sick because any little thing sent her mind racing ahead to all the terrible possibilities.  In two or three leaps of “faith” she could see herself on the gurney rolling down the corridors of the hospital nearing death’s door.  I have a similar scenario that jumps up to grab my peace involving our house and not being able to fix it or sell it to move somewhere smaller and less expensive.

On this day I also remembered that my credit card had been declined the day before.  At the time I simply used a different one, but now that small thing was triggering ominous forebodings.  I could feel myself sliding downward into fear of the future.

This is where good habits kicked in.  I have learned not to try to figure it out myself.  I have learned not to shame myself for being crazy.  I have learned not to deny or “stuff” the feelings.  What I have learned to do is run straight to the Lord! 

thorny places... yet a garden

I grabbed a pen and a scrap of paper and concentrated on what I was feeling, as unpleasant as that was.  Because I have practiced this so much over many years of healing from depression and anxiety, I know how to listen to my soul and to God.  I wrote “fear of not being provided for” and “fear sudden BAD changes”.  This wasn’t an intellectual assessment of my “problem” but a description of how I felt.  It can help to realize where seemingly irrational feelings come from, but it isn’t a prerequisite to receiving from the Lord.  The important thing is going to Him in the midst of your conflict or trouble. 

I prayed to the Lord, expressing my faith that He was listening and knew what was going on with me.  I asked Him why I was afraid of sudden change and not being taken care of or provided for right now at the beginning of this day.  I asked because all of my good sense, not to mention my faith, should be telling me that I am blessed, secure, and fine.  I was reminded, in my mind, of fears I have faced with the Lord before – of being new at all the schools I moved to, of not having anyone who told me I was going to be okay, of seeing my father be unemployed, our car traded in for what we called the “junker” and many other similar things. 

lost?

My mind was thinking, “this isn’t new”.  But being in kindergarten at a new school in Los Angeles and not knowing which bus to get on to go home came to mind.  I was afraid I wouldn’t get home, and this place was so new and so big.  I wasn’t even sure where I lived!  I had no friends to ask.  I didn’t know where my teacher was.

It is at this point, as a prayer minister, that we ask the person to see if they sense Jesus in the picture of what they are remembering.  I silently asked Jesus if he was there and if he would help me.  This is what I heard in my heart and wrote on my scrap of paper:  “What if I go to school with you?  And go with you to lunch, and coming home, and never leave your side for the rest of your life?”  WOW!

Our Father designed this!

No matter how many times I go to the Lord and no matter how little my expectations might be, He always surprises me!  This was more than I could ask or think at the time.  If you look at it scripturally, it’s not such a surprise.  I ‘know’ Jesus will never leave me or forsake me.  I know his very name means “God with us”.  But this was so personal!  He spoke this to a scared little girl and to a grown up girl who still struggles with knowing a Father who abundantly provides and loves to comfort her.

Because I was connected in the spirit with Jesus I knew that the One who is in charge of the entire universe was offering and promising to go with me holding my hand everywhere for the rest of my life!  I needed to take time to consider how this could change my perceptions of myself in the world and of the world itself!  This is the power of an encounter with the Lord.

Perhaps you are wondering if it has made a difference to me.  Yes, it has.  Later that very day I was able to initiate a conversation with someone close to me who had withdrawn in our relationship.  I was able to listen without defensiveness, share with honesty, and see our conflict resolved.  The Lord used this conversation to convict me with gentleness and help me know more about someone that I love very much.  It has resulted in seeing how to pray for this person more effectively.  

I still must remind myself of Jesus’ presence, but I am able to see choices I can make because it is true.  I am turning to the Lord in greater confidence that I can wait to see how He will provide for some immediate practical things.  It also gave me the courage to speak up in a group of people who have been intimidating in the past.

I have seen and believe that any amount of truth that replaces the lies and distortions of the enemy results in a cascade of new thinking and opens new possibilities.  I know God has more to say to us personally than we can ever imagine or think.  He’s inviting us to ask Him!